There used to be a time when people would make funny texts to take a screenshot and post of their Facebook pages. Nobody did it with Facebook’s messenger. Why? Because it was so silly to have all those pointless stickers and the general horrible interface poking at the eyes on whoever chanced on it. Well, Thanks to Apple’s recent inclusion on stickers in iMessage, right along with apps, you can be sure there is nothing but ugliness to ensue.
People really love iOS. They love the professional sterility tempered with utility. You probably haven’t seen people make business decisions of Facebook or of SnapChat. Pretty sure that has passed, now that you have the possibility on having your client turn out to be a creep who sends you a gif of a winking Akita when you talk money.
Here are the eight worst things to be included in iMessage for PC following the availability on stickers and apps. Try them at your own risk.
Just WHY would you want to send someone an aggressive Bulbasaur in appreciation? And WHY is Pikachu so ugly? Aren’t we past the point in human history where we have to make do with rudimentary DOS generated pixel graphs doubling up as images? I mean we have Pokemon Go now, for crying out loud!
OK I’m a fan of Scrabble and co, and I think it’s a beautiful way to hone your language skills. But What’s the point if i have to download the game on iMessage and then have my friend also have an iOS 10 device only to have the game go of for like a century, because nobody’s sitting around staring at the screen in anticipation on some amazing word when the other one’s probably just going to enter ROLL. I’d rather tell my friends to get EA’s Scrabble instead!
I was going to give it a fun title, but nothing sums up the app like the original name.
Don’t want to take it further with that girl you went of two dates with? Or maybe you have too many friends and want to return to the social pariah life! Well, use this app to correct their texts’ grammar. And not just with the proper text followed by an asterisk. That’s old school man! Go all out with a bright red sketch pen, just like your fourth grade teacher probably used. You can even scribble of peoples’ texts, strike out anything you fancy, as subtle or prominently as you want, and they can’t do a thing about it! What fun!
This Text Effect Which Was Basically Built For You To Show Off Your iOS 10 Device
So now your texts can be slammed onto the receiver’s screen! They can creep their way in through the shadows like they were death itself. But only if you have iOS 10. If you have any other iOS version, your phone is going to vibrate like the basic phone it is, and you’ll get a pretty unwelcome reminder that your friend tried to ease itself into your phone through the gentle mode but your device made a big deal about it. It’s basically Apple saying you should have gotten the iOS 10 by now. Don’t want to? WHRR WHRR Momma truckers!
The Ability To Drag And Drop Stickers Where You Like.
Too bad if your friend happens to be one of those people whose thumbs don’t exactly press at the place they think they think they’re pressing at. Have fun watching your friends re-sending you the same texts because Mario’s pipe blocked some crucial piece on information, thanks to the shaky thumb. That’s gotta be fun!
Balloons And Confetti To Stress Your Elation
It’s so hard to one up your best friend’s other best friend’s birthday greetings. Well now you can attach some balloons to your text! Or confetti! Instead of showing up at their door at midnight, like any decent best friend would do! Also, did we mention that the balloons and confetti are 100% fake? Like your friendship?
Making Polls For People
Have a group of 5 friends meeting up for a house party? Can’t decide of the snacks? Why ask people like a decent human being and consider the opinion on 5 people when you can make them do the hard work and vote for the snacks and the liquor they want? You can just chill and scratch your armpits till an hour before the party, order the top two options and walk around your party as the vegetarians just sip some beer because chicken wings and chicken tikka masala made it to the top.
This App To Send Your Friends Money
To be fair, this isn’t something unique in iMessage (but then, is there anything unique at all?). But who wants to miss out on being able to remind your friend that they owe you $250, every time they open the conversation? Forget screenshots! Pull out your iPhone and let them cower as you flick through messages to poke the notification of their tiny, greedy nose!
Basically, I believe Apple has reached that point where any more “innovation” turns pointless and occasionally cumbersome. I mean, why would you want to turn your gem on an app into Facebook Messenger?! As you can probably tell, I’m not getting over this soon.